Star Wars: A Bunch of Crazy Fans and Their Characters

Wiley's Letters to Grandma 1: The Journey to Boondock
Stopping at the Wheel


At the time of this writing, I have arrived on the planet Boondock. Smelly Smiley Bob took me to the Wheel. It’s a big building in the night sky that moves. There was a human being chased by three others. When I followed, the others attacked him! I shot my bow at the leader, in the hope that he would drop the pinned guy, but one of the others attacked instead. A gray guy showed up, and helped me get rid of the mean people, using a glowing stick.

He said his name was Dorsk84, and he could do magic the same way we can! He called it “the force”, and said it wasn’t magic.

The man we saved really liked spices! He used to sell them, but kept cooking with them himself, so he got in trouble. We got him a ship elsewhere, so the bad guys wouldn’t hurt him anymore.

I stayed with Dorsk84, because he was worried the bad guys might try to hurt me again. I sat with him while he ate, and tried one of the new drinks there. He had to eat this weird food because his people can’t eat most stuff. He said they were clones, which I think means he’s a copy of his dad. Apparently only he, his dad, and his grandfather could use magic, and they didn’t know why.

Dorsk84 was going to Boondock, to gather the remains of a Sorceress. He still denied the magic of it, of course. I decided to travel with him, because the bad guys worried me, and I wasn’t really sure where my destiny needed me.

The new ship we took had a movie about a war and a Jedi, which is the kind of magic training Dorsk84 had. That guy also had a glowing stick, which may be a trend of the Jedi. Dorsk84 felt the movie was poorly done, but I wasn’t sure. I think he felt the Jedi was inaccurate.

After that they showed us a thing about “Cosmic Confections”, which are a fancy candy. A scientist said they really weren’t bad, even though some people said they were. I want to try them.

When we landed, there was a place to check in. The man there said I needed a reason to be there, so I said I’d like to try their candy, since everything on the planet is for making the Cosmic Confections. That wasn’t good enough, but Dorsk84 tricked him into thinking I was some kind of “pad” with his magic. I forgot the exact word he used, unfortunately.

I’ll write more tomorrow, Grandma.


Episode 2, Scene 2: Introducing Keara the Stormtrooper

On the planet Bastion, the capital of the Imperial Remnant, Keara was chosen for a special assignment. Keara was the most promising young person so make it through Imperial Military Bootcamp that entire year. She was deemed by her superiors to have the knowledge and skills for an undercover mission. Her drill serjeant, Sgt. Smith, promoted her from private to private-first-class right before her new mission briefing. Sgt. Smith told her that if she performed well on this undercover assignment, she might look forward, if she wished that for her career, to becoming an intelligence agent rather than just a groundpounder infantry footsoldier.

For her undercover mission, cover identity was to be…. herself, but with an alternate history. Her boot camp record was altered. Instead of showing her real, true exemplary record, the record was changed by Imperial Intelligence to show her instead of as a model young trooper, as a washout, who failed bootcamp.

In her new cover identity version of herself, Keara was to travel to the planet Boondock and pretend to be just an orphan young person (the orphan part was true), too old to be taken care of by the system in an orphanage or foster care, who just failed in her attempt to start a career in military service. Aimless, jobless. Just looking for employment as a factory worker on the planet Boondock in the Cosmic Confections Corporation factory there. The planet Boondock is wholly owned by the Cosmic Confections Corporation and is, therefore, a private planet, neither Imperial, nor part of the regular Galactic Alliance. It would not be out of the question for a wandering young person, in need of supporting herself, to end up there looking for a job.

Keara’s mission was to investigate rumors that Imperial Intelligence had discovered that Darth Lumiya had taken in interest in Boondock. Darth Lumiya (originally Lady Lumiya from the 1980’s Star Wars Marvel Comics) is the last known Sith Lord to exist in the galaxy as far as Imperial Intelligence knows, originally trained as an apprentice of Darth Vader.

Episode 2, Scene 1: The Three Amigos

On the planet Ossus, where there is a Jedi Temple, three young Jedi Knights, Balkdon, a Mirialan, Karas, an Elomin, and Varic Putan, a human, were summoned to meet before the Jedi Council.

They were tasked with investigating the planet Boondock. Various Jedi who were strong vision-seers and oracles throughout the galaxy had been having dark forebodings and strange and terrible visions portending a doom for the entire galaxy that would emanate from Boondock if the future, “always in motion”, were not changed.

The visions and feelings were so vague in nature that none of the seers or oracles could provide any useful details or even cryptic clues to provide any kind of instruction to the three young Jedi. It was reported to the Jedi Council that two Baran Do Sages had seen the visions of an apocalypse coming from Boondock and had gone insane.

With no specific information as to what the three Jedi should be looking for, the mission was basically just “go and see”.

The three Jedi were given a ship, the Edge of Valor, and was piloted to Boondock by Varic.

The three Jedi were told about Dorsk84’s mission on Boondock and that Dorsk84 was sent before the strange dark visions started.

Enter the Ewok!

Wiley the Ewok, one of 42 grandchildren of the ewok priestess from the 1980’s “Ewok Adventure” made-for-TV-movies, left Endor. His grandmother the priestess had a Force-related dream that her little descendant had a destiny among the stars, and further, that one day that destiny would save the ewok people from a disaster.

Although ewok society does not normally use money, occasionally there is need to deal with offworlders from the larger galaxy who do. So, the clan has some credsticks stashed away in a box in an elder’s home for unforeseen needs to deal with offworlders.

Wiley’s clan purchased a trip for him offworld. Although the ewoks themselves do not keep devices around capable of galactic communication, nearby to their village lives a fringer hermit who has a communications array for emergencies. The old fart just moved to Endor to be a hermit and be left alone, but is at peace with his ewok neighbors. The clan was able to use the hermit’s communications device to contact the wider galaxy and arrange transportation for Wiley.

Wiley’s transport was to take him to the planet Boondock (a GM-made-up planet). Boondock at least has a town and a spaceport, which is more than Endor has. Smiley Bob, a pilot who drops off supplies to a small number of hermits who live as recluses from society on Endor, took some money to allow Wiley to be his passenger to the Wheel. The Wheel is a space station from the 1980’s Star Wars Marvel comics.

At the Wheel, Wiley had a layover before taking a commercial flight to Boondock. The Wheel is an unsavory place. Being possessed of its own hyperdrive, the Wheel can move from place to place in the galaxy. It has never claimed allegiance to any government: not the Empire, not the Old or New Republics, not the Galactic Alliance, not the Hutt Cartel, no one. Thus, it operates businesses that people wish to conduct outside the law. It’s pretty shady and sketchy.

When Wiley saw a human kid about to be torn apart by money shark thug enforcers, he intervened. He was about cut in twain by a Gamorrean vibro-battle-axe when Jedi Knight Dorsk84 showed up to assist.

After the encounter was over and everyone was safe, Dorsk84 and Wiley escorted the poor human kid to a ship that could take him far away from those who would do him harm. It turned out the kid was a former spice dealer and addict. The only way to escape his addiction was to stop being around spice altogether. That meant, of course, that he had to stop selling it. Without selling it, he did not have sufficient income to pay what he owed to the crime boss that both he and the enforcer thugs worked for. Enough time had passed that the crime boss had to collect, one way or another.

In conversation with Dorsk84, Wiley learned that Dorsk84 was also headed for Boondock. Dorsk84 had been tasked by the Jedi Counsel with retrieving the remains and possessions of a deceased Jedi Master named Cassandra who had lived on Boondock.

Dorsk84, a Khommite Jedi, and Wiley the Ewok, took a commercial flight from the Wheel to Boondock.


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